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Tuesday, July 05, 2005


At last the French and the Americans are reunited. They have been able to put aside their differences and reach consensus.

'How?', I hear you cry; why through their mutual loathing of British cuisine.

President Chirac had this to say, amongst other things:
"One cannot trust people whose cuisine is so bad,"
Isn't he sweet?

The number of times that I have heard Americans having a pop at British food is uncountable; most of them having never even eaten food in the UK. Those that had, had no complaints, especially those folks who got out of their Holiday Inn hotels and steered away from seedy London pubs. Also those who tried something a little different instead of attempting to stick to what they think they know. Those that I have talked to seem to think that we all still live in a time of rationing such that the food is plain and grey. And all this from a country that savours a type of 'cheese' that has never been within spitting distance of a cow.
Our home-grown traditional dishes can be fabulous, especially the game. A well seasoned and prepared roast beef is majestic. The British palette is also not unadventurous hence our embracing of Chinese, Indian and Thai cuisines, our love of Italian and the traditional Friday night-after-12-pints-of-lager kebab.

I'll let you in on a little secret as well, French food isn't all its cracked up to being. Don't get me wrong I love a nice bit of cheese and bread and I enjoy all sorts of sea-food delicacies from the south of France but it isn't the gastronomic experience people wet themselves over.

However, we in the UK are happy to become the focus of the combined mockery of the United States and France if it means that harmony is returned to the relationship between these two countries. Especially at this time of year when I should remind our American cousins that the cause for their recent holiday is unlikely to have happened without the aid of the French. ;-)

Also, Mr. Chirac, Finnish food ain't all bad either. Any country that eats reindeer is fine with me.


Shinobi said...

Anyone I know who has visited the UK had this to say about the food:

"Food? Uhhh I don't remember, I was pretty drunk. It was AWESOME."

Actually that statement might apply to the whole of Europe. You people sure can tie one on.

prairie biker said...

Used to stay in Mildenhall fairly regularly. I remember breakfasts of cold toast, cold potatoes and sausages floating in grease, bean soup, etc. Sure the jams were delicious but c'mon! If it weren't for the kebab stands, I don't know what I'd have eaten.

It was nice to have vinegar for my 'chips' though. Damn hard to find someplace here like that.

And the beer! Yeah beer!

I do keep in mind that 'American' food isn't all that exciting either. The best dishes here are an amalgamation of imported goodness.

Let's be honest. What exactly is 'American Food'? McDonald's? Fuck that.

Kav said...

Haven't you heard? Beer is food and eating is cheating!

Prairiebiker, sounds like you hit a bit of shithole to stay in. A properly made English breakfast is a thing of beauty, though I recommend having someone trained in cardio surgery to stand by.

I do keep in mind that 'American' food isn't all that exciting either. The best dishes here are an amalgamation of imported goodness.

The same could be said of the food here, really. All hail the global village.

I miss the great micro-brews in Colorado and the good Mexican food.

Anonymous said...


Could not agree more about your take on the French food. The seafood was great in the south of France, but it is fabulous in Maine, Maryland, Florida, California, and Alaska too. I found the French food to be long on presentation, and ... who gives a shit. It was France. I was not going to like it unless it handed me money and a reach-around.

My times at Mildenhall gave me experiences with the food that are better left forgotten. I chose to drink myself into oblivion rather than take up valuable space in my stomach with food. lol


Kav said...

My wife still wakes up slavering over dreams of fresh salmon in alaska. This from a woman who doesn't like seafood!

Sounds like Mildenhall is not the best place to eat. Wonder if that is true of other American airbases in Europe? Perhaps the locals only send in the slop for the Americans ;-)