This has got to be one of the most disturbing news items ever written:
Die Hard star Bruce Willis is tipped to play Formula One commentator Murray Walker on the big screen.
This is the most bizarre casting ever:
Famous action movie star Bruce Willis relaxing after a hectic day's shooting
Renowned racing correspondent Murray Walker enjoying his retirement.
OK, OK, I get it, all bald men look alike.
I really want to know if Bruce can pull off Murray's distinctive voice. And whether he will be fine saying line after line of dialogue in a Walker stylee.
I will be very impressed if he can capture that almost-wetting-himself excitement if it looks as if two cars might be within 1 foot of each other. And if he gets to smack the actor playing Nigel Mansell on the bonce.
Anyway the story just gets worse.
'How much worse?' I hear you ask; this much worse:
In the film, the character is expected to narrate the tale as well as feature alongside Schumacher.AHHHHHHH! He's retired, he was good but not that good! How would a story like this interest an American audience who hardly care about F1 anyway? Especially given that their biggest memory of Schumacher is probably when he cocked up the finish of the 2002 US grand-prix by gifting it to Barichellos
What? On which plane of existence? Is it because of the striking similarity in muscle tone, build and bone structure? Or just because they are both bald?
Willi Weber, a former Formula One champion and Schumacher's agent said: "Bruce Willis would certainly do Murray justice."
Weber added: "A Hollywood producer is interested. It would be called The Michael Schumacher Story, with him as the main actor."AHHHHHHHH!
And the only voice of sanity in this? The man himself, Murray Walker:
Walker admitted to being a bit "shell-shocked" when he found out that Bruce Willis was going to play him in the film.
He said: "I had to make sure when looking at the calendar that it was April 25 not April 1."
He said jokingly: "I always regarded Bruce Willis as a mirror image of myself, don't you know...a much younger version though."